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Wednesday, July 29, 2009


I've repeatedly found that it takes three continuous days without
exercise for me to start losing control, freaking out & getting

I'm not a control freak, but I find it freaky when I have NO control
over my body. When the restlessness hits, wherever I am (often asleep
in bed, sometimes while I'm in meetings or whenever) I start
twitching. I suddenly have irrepressable urges to start cracking
joints and stretch muscles out. It never helps,and I end up doing
weird twitching or spastic movements for a few hours (it's esp bad if
I'm supposed to be sitting still - like in a meeting).

It normally ends with me trying to appease the restlessness with a
little bit of exercise. Last week, I left my group meeting and did
jumping jacks in the bathroom. I've gotten up in the middle of the
night to do push ups and sit ups. The worst was when we went to
Houston before evan's mom's surgery. I ended up running around the
bedroom (with intermittent jumping jacks) in the garage apartment that
night for three hours straight.

I can only imagine that this is akin to what it feels like to do drugs
and experience cravings. It's freaky.